Sorry, Bryce

I can't stop thinking about you, Bryce.

And I want to say thank you.

Not a sadistic facetious thanks, no, a real thank you.

I mean it.

You opened my eyes to the little things.

You were a big picture guy.

And when your plan burned, you pulled the trigger.

I used to think like that.

But not so much now.

I see beauty. Old beauty that I missed somehow before.

Like grass blades, and long endless roads.

I also see new beauty, beauty that you'll never see.

The baby was born the day after you died. She's gorgeous.

I hope her mother tells her about you. So that she won't be so stupid.

You were so stupid to do that. So stupid.

Valedictorian, but yet so stupid.

I'm stupid too, for needing to see death to live.

At first, I was horrified at the Earth for continuing to turn.

slowly. steadily. consistently.

Is that what you would have wanted, for everything to stop when you did?

My world stopped turning, Bryce, just for a moment.

They didn't call your name at graduation.

They just moved on.

slowly. steadily. consistently.

I don't think I'll ever truly forget you, Bryce.

But I'm not going to think about you anymore.

You pulled the trigger.

No one did that for you.

Now I'm going to let you die in my mind too.

I never really grasped the concept, death.

Such a mysterious unusual word.

You weren't my first death, but I never understood what it meant.

They just weren't there after that, even when they seemed like they should be.

But you.

Your empty chair killed me.

They taped your picture on a chair.
But it's gone now. So are you.

And I'm going to let you die in my mind too.

I hope you're enjoying yourself.

Pray for us who are still here.

There are too many sorrows to count.

Speak to Jesus on our behalf. On my behalf.

Ask Him to forgive us, we do not know what we are doing.

I pray for you.
Pray for us, Bryce.

Lastly, Bryce, I forgive you.

I forgive you for never saying goodbye.

For putting us all through death.

Suicide isn't sad for the victim.

The victim isn't actually a victim at all.

The victims are those of us who are left behind.

I forgive you for leaving me behind.

I forgive you.

Forgive me?